The Rest Is Still Unwritten

Yahhhh,

I feel like I haven’t blogged in ages but it’s only been a few weeks. I'm blogging now because I have loads of work to do but I don’t want to do any of it and this distracts me/gives me an excuse not to do it.

The countdown began long ago, however now it is serious. 4 days until I go home for Christmas. Only four days. I cannot tell you how happy this makes me. And with Christmas comes New Year and reflection. So I am going to do this blog now so that when I'm at home I don’t have to and I can just chill.

Every year I see people say ‘This year has been crap, I can’t wait for the next one!’ and at least the past 4 years I've actively thought ‘I've loved this year!’. I couldn't have disagreed more. 2014 unfortunately has been a bit rubbish.

I feel wrong saying that because I know that an outsider looking at what I have done will think I'm a idiot.

I went to AMERICA. I went to an actual summer camp with lovely people and the best campers. I learnt so much about myself and people. I made amazing friends. I travelled along the East Coast and experienced the best city on earth, NEW FLIPPING YORK.

I passed my first year of uni. I got a new house with 8 people that made me laugh. I grew up and got that extra bit more independent.

I visited my childhood best friends in Greece with my beautiful best friend and had one of the best weeks of my life.

I got to celebrate my other best friends 21^st birthday and still have our treat to look forward too.

I know how amazing this year has been in terms of what I have done and what I have achieved. I don’t for one second take any of that for granted. However, amongst all of this, I have never felt more rubbish.

You know when you feel like there is just constantly people who are trying to pull you down. My family and close friends have been so supportive which is why I love them with all of my heart, but it’s hard when people whose opinion you don’t care about are the people that are against you.

And it’s hard to just ignore it and carry on when you have been ‘carrying on’ constantly for months.

The hardest part is when you question yourself for no reason.

Bitching. Petty arguing. Answering to people who have a tiny bit of power. Having to defend yourself for eating potatoes when everyone ate the stupid potatoes.

Stupid stuff.

I started a jar of memories for my 2^nd year of uni and I'm struggling to put stuff in it because my happy moments here are few and far between. And I know it sounds like nothing but it’s like being poked. It doesn't really bother you but when it’s constant and you realise you just don’t need it, you realise how much better it would be without it.

This is why I'm so excited for Christmas at home with my nearest and dearest, decorating, spending, drinking, laughing, probably drunk crying, eating, chilling. It is so appealing right now.

2015 is the year I put everything into perspective.

I am going to work on my blog. I am going to build a media portfolio. I am going to go to loads of festivals and party. Most importantly I'm going to smile and focus on the positives.

I'm aiming to move back to Manchester for my 3^rd year of uni. If not for uni then for a year to clear all of my university debt. I look forward to getting my life organised and laying down the foundations for my future. Hopefully.

<3