They say curiosity killed the cat. What about spontaneity?
What does that do?
I had a spontaneous little moment earlier, nothing cray. I
just applied for a scheme which I can’t physically fit into my mental busy
schedule for the next year and a half. Then I realised I have a schedule for A
WHOLE YEAR AND A HALF.
In old people’s terms, (Like 28 upwards is old now) a year
and a half, 18 months whatever you wanna say really isn’t long at all. But at
the age of (nearly) 21, the fact that I have so long planned out with so much
restriction is quite terrifying. Especially when I don’t know what I want to
do.
So I graduate from my FdA in Brighton this year, to which I declined
the offer to go to the ceremony at the end of July because I’m doing my top up
year in Salford. Who has the money for the cap and gown when I could be
graduating twice? Not me. But I don’t really want to go to uni.
I JUST WANNA BE FREE.
I want to run around the streets at 3am with a bottle of
wine. I want to jet off to sunny destinations and pretend to shuffle to EDM. I wanna wear harem pants whilst I grow out my
dreadlocks and reminisce about my GAP YAH.
(Disclaimer: These are the most generic youth goals, not
really mine)
To be honest, I don’t want to be tied down. I don’t want
bills, money problems and routine because that’s what I will do when I’m older.
However, I can’t afford a spontaneous lifestyle.
This is basically my current nightmare and I don’t know what
to do. Any help is much appreciated.
xo
