No one knows what that means, it's PROCRASTINATE.

Hey, well it’s nearly May. And in the education system that basically means hell.

Yeah, I may only be in my first year at uni and have just 3 modules to do work for, but I still like to make myself feel like I have SOOOO much work to do. Because I do. Maybe if I didn’t keep holding it off until the weekend…  and then the Easter holidays… and then tomorrow morning… and then right now, but oh wait, I can’t do it right now because I’m currently blogging about how I can’t do work. Shit happens.

Basically, I’ve become the Procrastination King and here is a list of how you know you take the title.

You’re constantly hungry.

Ok, yeah. I always eat food. I just can’t ever get full. But when you know you have work to do, it isn’t just a cheeky biscuit you have. You feel like you should cook a 5 course meal and spend about 5 hours doing so because if you want to concentrate, you need to eat.  But oh look, it’s now 7 o clock and you told yourself that you would reward yourself for all your hard work you did by watching Emmerdale.

Cleaning is the best.

Yeah, I know that I have 3 hours and 23 minutes until I reach the deadline for that script I got given 2 months ago but I was just watching Kim and Aggy cleaning and now, I basically want to be them! I might not have passed that assignment but my toilet looks clean and smells like lemon. Silver linings?

If your stuff isn’t organised, your mind won’t be organised.

I was just about to sit down and do that reading for tomorrow but then I couldn’t concentrate because I have 487 pictures on my computer that all have to be put into little files so that when I come to find that sexy selfie for my new profile pic I can easily find it. Oh, and all the food in my cupboards, needs to be put in order of tins, boxes and packets. And, I can’t forget about my DVD’s, if they aren’t in alphabetical order, it will just look untidy. But I can do my reading when that’s sorted. Oh shit. The draw my book was in to do the reading was full of paperwork and I couldn’t leave it like that. Whoa, how did it get to 8pm? Way too late to read. Soz.

Social media is your best friend. And your worst enemy.

I can’t just log out of Facebook and do work because if my bestie uploads a picture while I’m trying to learn some stuff and I don’t like it within approximately 22 minutes then there’s a possibility that we might not be friends anymore. And who wants to be smart but with no friends? Nobody, exactly. Also, it’s great because it lets you vent about how much work you haven’t done in 140 characters.

  Clean body, clean mind.

Bath’s never felt so good. So good that you need 3 a day and 2x 30 minute showers as well. Then when you have those cosy PJ’s on, you will be able to start working.

You go to those events you can’t stand.

What? Football is on at the pub? Mate, I am a #LAD therefore, if I'm not down the pub watching the footie, I won’t be a #LAD. “COME ON LADS, KICK IT! THAT COULD'VE BEEN A HOLE IN ONE!!”

Netflix, are you the devil?

It’s hard to study a media course without having Netflix. It’s a wealth of TV and film at your fingertips.  So, technically, watching Netflix = studying. However, you said you would only watch one episode of Gossip Girl and you’ve just finished the 7^th. I BLAME YOU 15 SECOND COUNTDOWN!

ALCOHOL IS STUDY POISON.

Basically, if you go to uni and prioritise work over drinking, you might as well just scream social suicide. Everyone likes a night out every OTHER DAY or so. But if you’re going on a night out, you have to get ready at like 6pm, just because it’s a rule. Then you predrink. Then you finally go out and struggle to get home. You sleep. You wake up. You sleep some more and wallow in vomit and self-pity. Then you realise you missed both lectures that day and it’s somehow 6pm again. Time to start getting ready.

Disclaimer: Bit exaggerated, I have no stamina. Therefore if I’ve been drinking the night before, don’t even ask me to blink never mind go on another night out.

So there you have it. I’ve just procrastinated tell you how I procrastinate. I’ve definitely hit a new low. 

Question: tell me what you think about me.

Don't really tell me what you think about me. I don't wanna know. I was just singing a bit of Destiny's Child because I feel like Kelly Row Row today.

So, there are loads of random questions that I don’t know the answer too. Help?

Do people who wear Crocs think they look nice? 

This is the best question I can think of, because they don’t and nobody thinks they do so why do people still wear them?

Why do people say ‘beauty is on the inside?’

Because it’s really not.

Why do Americans think all British people speak like the Queen?

Have they not seen Shameless? That, is true Britain.

What does the fox actually say?

I still don’t know Ylvis, you shit.

Why do people think because I’m northern I love speaking to random people on the bus? 

Lets be honest, they will probably kill me.

Why do Starbucks and Costa charge so much for coffee and we all go along with it and pay the price?

I could get 2 jars of coffee for the price they ask for a cup but there's just something about it I just can’t resist.

Why isn't it acceptable to eat Chicken Nuggets for breakfast? 

Or is it? Chicken nuggets are the best food ever invented so eat my shorts.

What is it about me that makes my mum love me more than she loves my sisters?

I secretly know this, it’s just because I was born better. She will try to deny it but, we all know I'm the favourite.

Why isn’t Katy Perry my best friend?

Simple.

In Year 3000, will we actually live under water? 

Probably not, because Busted also said ‘Everybody bought our 7^th album’ and they released 2. Awkward.

The List of Lazy

Hey,

So I've decided I want to start blogging. Just randomly. Just stupid thoughts. I'll keep it light hearted, as much as I can.

Today, I've been thinking. ( I know, how dangerous of me.) I have come to the conclusion that I am lazy. I am. And to be honest, I have no shame. Well, maybe a little bit of shame but not enough for me to change my ways. But then I got lost in thought about what I do that makes me lazy and realised that there's a list. An actual LIST of things that make me lazy.

However, I know I'm not the only one who lives the lazy life. So I compiled my shitty little "List of Lazy" and realised how many other people are part of this guilty way of life with me. (I'm looking at you, Wildcats!)

So here goes;

1. At uni, I live like a King. I have an en-suite. So do all the rooms at good old Robby T. And, while this does have its downfalls,  such as smelling your shits while you are in bed), it does mean that there is no queuing for a wee, no walking more than 5 steps from my bed, no one else's dirty pubes clinging on to the side, just mine. The mere thought of sharing a bathroom next year fills me with sadness. Partly because of the communal living, but mainly just because it means ill have to get out of bed, put clothes on, walk, maybe wait and lock the door all before I can enjoy my toilet time. HELL.

2. When I chose which uni to go to, the biggest thing that attracted me to UoB was that it's near the beach. (pebbled, but we cant have everything we want can we?) And the thought of shorts, sea and summer nights on the beach filled me with joy. When I finally moved there and realised my room was on the 3rd floor of a building with no lift, it limited my beach experience. I've only been to the beach about 5 times since September. 5 TIMES. Poor effort there Mr Hosker.
   Granted, it isnt summer yet, but I know the sun shine isnt the best persuasion to make me part with 307.

3. We always make plans at uni, nights out, movie nights, shopping. Granted, I have cancelled on about 1/3 of all plans we have made. Not because the plan was shit, just because I had something better to do, like drink tea and get into the bed I left 30 minutes ago, watching Netflix and eating whatever food I could find. Not only do I cancel the plans, I use excuses that my mum would use to say no to her sisters, husbands best friends work mate's diamond wedding celebration, such as 'oh sorry, I'm baking a cake' or ' Soz love, I will probably be washing my hair'.

4. I have told myself it is acceptable to wear the same pyjamas for roughly 3 days straight so I don't feel guilty about not getting showered and changed. Tramp? I think so.

5. I actually have to set an alarm for afternoon lectures. Ones that dont even start until about 2. But I need to just "make sure" I'm up. Then the bastard alarm rings at half 12 and I still hit snooze. 

6. When somebody asks me to go somewhere, because I'm such a social butterfly, I make sure they know the rule. 'If I have to walk there, it better be good'.  I don't want to waste all the energy I'm 'conserving' to get to a shit party or a dead lecture.

7. Since moving away from home, I cook. I wish I could live like a proper student and just eat Pot Noodles, but I'm fat and need more. However, I rarely make food that requires me to do anything extra than chop or peel food. I only peel because I'm Northern and a life without potatoes (more than one kind for one meal) doesn't sound very appetising. That doesn't stop me eating Instant mash when I can't be bothered though. But when I'm flexing my Nigella knowledge, if there is an easy way, that IS the way. 

8. Washing clothes. The two words are awful to hear. They make my soul shiver. Not only do I have to pay £3 to wash and dry my clothes at uni, plus the washing liquid, I also have to go up and down the stairs so many times, it hurts. Hand washing isn't exactly pleasurable either. This is why I have developed 'Emergency underwear'. You must have this as well? The horrible underwear that you tuck away until all your nice new pants are chucked in the corner with your vomit ridden shirt and sweaty tee's. When you get to your emergency underwear, you know you have to do washing. But before that, no stress. Best idea ever.

   However, don't let anyone see your emergency underwear. that won't be pretty.

9. SORRY EARTH. I waste electricity. Not all the time, but I can't help if I forget things. Like, forgetting to turn the light off before bed and only remembering when you are warm and tucked in after you finish watching Despicable Me. But, who is gonna be hurt more by solving the problem? Me by getting out of my comfy spot and getting cold and having to walk and being sad, or mother earth who is a lot bigger than me and has people trying to recycle and renew everything all the time. I think I know who would be worse off. You do too.

This isn't the end of the list. it goes on. However, I'll conserve them because I don't want you to judge me anymore than you should. And if you are judging, you are either a hypocrite or a weirdo who likes to actually move, YOU LOSE.