Pack Up Your Troubles.

Hey whore,

So sadly,again this might be a little depressing Well, it will be a depressing subject but I'll try and make it chipper. (Not gonna happen)

I do hope you don't judge me from these latest blog posts because since I published the last one, I instantly got over it and I am on top of the world again. Where I belong. Bow down, bitches.

Anyway, in case you didn't know, I go STATESIDE in 17 days. 

Yesterday, I was with Roisin in the middle of packing all my stuff up ready to leave for summer next Friday. I was on the phone to Donatron, just having a casual chat like we always do when she tells me the following conversation she had with my Nan...

Nan: Aw, it will be nice if we can go for a meal or something with Harry before he goes away.

Mum: Yeah, if we have the money we will do. That will be nice.

Nan: After all, it could be the last time I see him. 

Then my mum recalled how she shouted at her and told her to stop being so stupid.

I instantly burst into tears. 

I hate crying in front of people, but this time I didn't even care. 

I don't know if it was the shock of hearing it being said, or the realisation that it genuinely could be the last time I see her. Obviously, I hope that she lives forever and I'll never have to say goodbye because I love her with all of my heart, but that isn't realistic. 

It got me thinking about America. I know, and my family know that if anything were to go wrong , I'd be home instantly. No matter how much fun I am having, the opportunities I get or however far away from home I am, my family will ALWAYS come first, to anybody and to anything. I know I'll stand by that for the rest of my life. After all, I wouldn't be thinking this way right now if it wasn't for them and the way they have brought me up and accepted me.

But it got me thinking, if you knew it was the last time you were going to see someone, what would you do?

Would you say goodbye? Would you give it a finite ending and close the chapter? Or would you carry on as normal knowing that although they aren't their to tell you what to do, you can learn from their life and that is how they will guide you? 

If you knew it was you that was going to die, would you want to know so you can prepare and say your goodbyes? Or would you rather cherrish the time you have and let life end the way it should... unexpectedly.

The idea of being able to say goodbye is peaceful. But if it were me, I wouldn't want to have the time ticking against me.

Nobody knows if it will be the last time I see Nan. Everybody hopes it isn't the last time I see her. However, as long as the times I do see her I can show her how much I love her, care for her, thank her and continue to be inspired by her, then we will both know that our time spent together was worth every second.

P.s. I Pinky Promise my next blog post will be a happy one. I'm sick of reading about my depression, never mind you.

xo